Remembering

I'm seeing a western style of mindfulness seep into all kinds of activities these days. Stopping, taking time to breath is mainstream. Being in the moment is what we're all trying to work towards. But remembering (stuff from my head!) is also helping me this week.

Seven years ago I set out on a round the world trip. I travelled for 5 months and slowly unravelled to an earlier, deeper, rawer, more peaceful version of myself. The first step on that journey was to see that my emotions aren't real. I saw them racing across my mind like a timelapse sky. Storms building, releasing, blowing over. I saw the source of each eddy and swirl. Mostly it was related to eating chocolate the day before. Chocolate bar = wake up with darkness enveloping my mind. Who knew?

Last week on a day when the sky was stormy grey and blank I was gripped by negativity. Bad thoughts spinning under their own steam. Blame. Impatience. Feeling hard done by! I was being buffetted and so were those around me.  And then...I remembered. I was able to connect to the memory of a time when I saw these storms for what they are. Pure energy, rising, being channelled, with a life of their own and yet no substance.

And the space around them opened. Just a wink. Hardly a wink. And I could see none of it was real. And they evaporated right there, like wisps of cirrus cleared after the storm. Memory gave me confidence to know that I once lived knowing this. Feeling sorry for yourself is the worst waste of energy, no matter what's going on.

The weather was following my thoughts, clearing. Breathing again. And then...a rainbow....